Kitty Litter
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Konting Katuwaan
Part of my job is to rewrite some of the world's worst PR, and when "Cat" at the office sent me this one without comment, I knew I was in trouble.
Also, is it a rule that the worse the PR, the more pesky and aggressive the person pushing it? "Cat" told me that not only did the perpetrator of this article text and call her repeatedly, s/he also faxed it to the office at least twice and said something along the lines of "Dapat nakuha mo na yan ha. (You better have gotten it already)"
If you work in PR, here are two free lessons: One, it doesn't do to throw your weight around. Public relations includes being nice to the whole staff, not just the editor. Pestering the staff is the best way to NOT get your piece of crap published...and I know that most PR is badly written because I'm the one who has to edit and, all too often, REWRITE it...and for no extra charge, damn it.
Two, the point of PR is to get a message across to the public. If the message of the article below is that the hotel/resort/whatever can't afford to hire someone who can write well, then I probably don't want to stay there since if they can't attend to that detail, then what more the other details like clean sheets and so on? Flowery, silly language does not attract readers. We want info, not bullshit.
That being said, I present the text here for you to, er, enjoy. I've edited out identifying details; if you figure out what the hell the "intro poem" is supposed to mean, feel free to tell me.
(PR begins below this line. I did not write this, and I am not making this up. Everything is original, although I've deleted the identifying details. I have, however, highlighted the "best" parts, which I am thinking of incorporating into my vocabulary. Side comments in green itals.)
"On white satin makeup
vibrance sets in (Uy, kabuki makeup?),
Pure and simple
caressing the high wind,
Walk in elegance of a would-be queen
March on...dream
is truth to be foreseen."
Wedding is an event that all of us aspire of having. Whether it is held with simplicity or elegance, the ritual is a once in a lifetime experience that one couple, bounded by the sacramental vows and the words "I do," treasure.
Most of us dream of a grand wedding to typify the importance of the event. Whether it is on the halls of the cathedral (Wouldn't it be hard to wed ON a hall?) or at the pure sands of the coast, the splendor of a wedding speaks out several decibels off the scene (Weddings yell? Didn't know that. Must be attending the wrong weddings). It pushes each and every one of us to dream of having or upstage the event that we saw in our very eyes.
However, reality speaks in a paper bill form (Now why didn't I think of that?). The grander the wedding is; the more fortune we exhaust. We now ponder to the truth that only the rich and famous can execute the dream wedding that most of us cannot have (Oo nga naman).
But what if I say, there is still a chance to have your dream come true? Yes, you and your couple (Wedding threesomes! Now THIS I have to see) still have that majestic march complete with accommodations and a scenic location overlooking the city. The dream can be a reality via scaling up the (name of province) knolls (A wedding march has accommodations?). To be exact, the dream is found in (name of place).
(Two paragraphs about wedding package and description of place deleted)
Also, is it a rule that the worse the PR, the more pesky and aggressive the person pushing it? "Cat" told me that not only did the perpetrator of this article text and call her repeatedly, s/he also faxed it to the office at least twice and said something along the lines of "Dapat nakuha mo na yan ha. (You better have gotten it already)"
If you work in PR, here are two free lessons: One, it doesn't do to throw your weight around. Public relations includes being nice to the whole staff, not just the editor. Pestering the staff is the best way to NOT get your piece of crap published...and I know that most PR is badly written because I'm the one who has to edit and, all too often, REWRITE it...and for no extra charge, damn it.
Two, the point of PR is to get a message across to the public. If the message of the article below is that the hotel/resort/whatever can't afford to hire someone who can write well, then I probably don't want to stay there since if they can't attend to that detail, then what more the other details like clean sheets and so on? Flowery, silly language does not attract readers. We want info, not bullshit.
That being said, I present the text here for you to, er, enjoy. I've edited out identifying details; if you figure out what the hell the "intro poem" is supposed to mean, feel free to tell me.
(PR begins below this line. I did not write this, and I am not making this up. Everything is original, although I've deleted the identifying details. I have, however, highlighted the "best" parts, which I am thinking of incorporating into my vocabulary. Side comments in green itals.)
"On white satin makeup
vibrance sets in (Uy, kabuki makeup?),
Pure and simple
caressing the high wind,
Walk in elegance of a would-be queen
March on...dream
is truth to be foreseen."
Wedding is an event that all of us aspire of having. Whether it is held with simplicity or elegance, the ritual is a once in a lifetime experience that one couple, bounded by the sacramental vows and the words "I do," treasure.
Most of us dream of a grand wedding to typify the importance of the event. Whether it is on the halls of the cathedral (Wouldn't it be hard to wed ON a hall?) or at the pure sands of the coast, the splendor of a wedding speaks out several decibels off the scene (Weddings yell? Didn't know that. Must be attending the wrong weddings). It pushes each and every one of us to dream of having or upstage the event that we saw in our very eyes.
However, reality speaks in a paper bill form (Now why didn't I think of that?). The grander the wedding is; the more fortune we exhaust. We now ponder to the truth that only the rich and famous can execute the dream wedding that most of us cannot have (Oo nga naman).
But what if I say, there is still a chance to have your dream come true? Yes, you and your couple (Wedding threesomes! Now THIS I have to see) still have that majestic march complete with accommodations and a scenic location overlooking the city. The dream can be a reality via scaling up the (name of province) knolls (A wedding march has accommodations?). To be exact, the dream is found in (name of place).
(Two paragraphs about wedding package and description of place deleted)
Labels: bad writing, rants
