Kitty Litter
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
Konting Katuwaan
Part of my job is to rewrite some of the world's worst PR, and when "Cat" at the office sent me this one without comment, I knew I was in trouble.
Also, is it a rule that the worse the PR, the more pesky and aggressive the person pushing it? "Cat" told me that not only did the perpetrator of this article text and call her repeatedly, s/he also faxed it to the office at least twice and said something along the lines of "Dapat nakuha mo na yan ha. (You better have gotten it already)"
If you work in PR, here are two free lessons: One, it doesn't do to throw your weight around. Public relations includes being nice to the whole staff, not just the editor. Pestering the staff is the best way to NOT get your piece of crap published...and I know that most PR is badly written because I'm the one who has to edit and, all too often, REWRITE it...and for no extra charge, damn it.
Two, the point of PR is to get a message across to the public. If the message of the article below is that the hotel/resort/whatever can't afford to hire someone who can write well, then I probably don't want to stay there since if they can't attend to that detail, then what more the other details like clean sheets and so on? Flowery, silly language does not attract readers. We want info, not bullshit.
That being said, I present the text here for you to, er, enjoy. I've edited out identifying details; if you figure out what the hell the "intro poem" is supposed to mean, feel free to tell me.
(PR begins below this line. I did not write this, and I am not making this up. Everything is original, although I've deleted the identifying details. I have, however, highlighted the "best" parts, which I am thinking of incorporating into my vocabulary. Side comments in green itals.)
"On white satin makeup
vibrance sets in (Uy, kabuki makeup?),
Pure and simple
caressing the high wind,
Walk in elegance of a would-be queen
March on...dream
is truth to be foreseen."
Wedding is an event that all of us aspire of having. Whether it is held with simplicity or elegance, the ritual is a once in a lifetime experience that one couple, bounded by the sacramental vows and the words "I do," treasure.
Most of us dream of a grand wedding to typify the importance of the event. Whether it is on the halls of the cathedral (Wouldn't it be hard to wed ON a hall?) or at the pure sands of the coast, the splendor of a wedding speaks out several decibels off the scene (Weddings yell? Didn't know that. Must be attending the wrong weddings). It pushes each and every one of us to dream of having or upstage the event that we saw in our very eyes.
However, reality speaks in a paper bill form (Now why didn't I think of that?). The grander the wedding is; the more fortune we exhaust. We now ponder to the truth that only the rich and famous can execute the dream wedding that most of us cannot have (Oo nga naman).
But what if I say, there is still a chance to have your dream come true? Yes, you and your couple (Wedding threesomes! Now THIS I have to see) still have that majestic march complete with accommodations and a scenic location overlooking the city. The dream can be a reality via scaling up the (name of province) knolls (A wedding march has accommodations?). To be exact, the dream is found in (name of place).
(Two paragraphs about wedding package and description of place deleted)
Also, is it a rule that the worse the PR, the more pesky and aggressive the person pushing it? "Cat" told me that not only did the perpetrator of this article text and call her repeatedly, s/he also faxed it to the office at least twice and said something along the lines of "Dapat nakuha mo na yan ha. (You better have gotten it already)"
If you work in PR, here are two free lessons: One, it doesn't do to throw your weight around. Public relations includes being nice to the whole staff, not just the editor. Pestering the staff is the best way to NOT get your piece of crap published...and I know that most PR is badly written because I'm the one who has to edit and, all too often, REWRITE it...and for no extra charge, damn it.
Two, the point of PR is to get a message across to the public. If the message of the article below is that the hotel/resort/whatever can't afford to hire someone who can write well, then I probably don't want to stay there since if they can't attend to that detail, then what more the other details like clean sheets and so on? Flowery, silly language does not attract readers. We want info, not bullshit.
That being said, I present the text here for you to, er, enjoy. I've edited out identifying details; if you figure out what the hell the "intro poem" is supposed to mean, feel free to tell me.
(PR begins below this line. I did not write this, and I am not making this up. Everything is original, although I've deleted the identifying details. I have, however, highlighted the "best" parts, which I am thinking of incorporating into my vocabulary. Side comments in green itals.)
"On white satin makeup
vibrance sets in (Uy, kabuki makeup?),
Pure and simple
caressing the high wind,
Walk in elegance of a would-be queen
March on...dream
is truth to be foreseen."
Wedding is an event that all of us aspire of having. Whether it is held with simplicity or elegance, the ritual is a once in a lifetime experience that one couple, bounded by the sacramental vows and the words "I do," treasure.
Most of us dream of a grand wedding to typify the importance of the event. Whether it is on the halls of the cathedral (Wouldn't it be hard to wed ON a hall?) or at the pure sands of the coast, the splendor of a wedding speaks out several decibels off the scene (Weddings yell? Didn't know that. Must be attending the wrong weddings). It pushes each and every one of us to dream of having or upstage the event that we saw in our very eyes.
However, reality speaks in a paper bill form (Now why didn't I think of that?). The grander the wedding is; the more fortune we exhaust. We now ponder to the truth that only the rich and famous can execute the dream wedding that most of us cannot have (Oo nga naman).
But what if I say, there is still a chance to have your dream come true? Yes, you and your couple (Wedding threesomes! Now THIS I have to see) still have that majestic march complete with accommodations and a scenic location overlooking the city. The dream can be a reality via scaling up the (name of province) knolls (A wedding march has accommodations?). To be exact, the dream is found in (name of place).
(Two paragraphs about wedding package and description of place deleted)
Labels: bad writing, rants
posted by Kitty Litter at 9:46 AM
27 Comments:
This comment has been removed by the author.
i figured it out, after 2 tablets of advil, half a valium, and assorted liquor.
This is an advert for a divorce lawyer.
If you read this, and you still want to get married, you should seriously give up having children. The gene pool is in grave danger already.
OMG. Hahahaha. Wala akong masabi. Hahahahahhaa. :D
Hi Charlene! While reading your intro, I was thinking, "I've read and edited really bad PRs, so nothing will surprise me na!" But my gulay, this takes the cake!
James, ha, nagkakalat ka sa blog ko ng comments ;p I see you removed them; thanks! So do I owe you valium now? Plus I think you're right. Tawa nga si Wynn when he read it, hehe
Rina, ikaw yung nasa photo? Uy pumayat ka! (sigh, inggit, inggit)
Thea! May mas malala pa; I can spam you with the "best of the worst" that Wynn and I have to rewrite and edit ;p pero sagot mo ang advil ha?
whenever i get the slightest urge to switch careers and be a full-time editor of any sort, i'll always look back to this entry to wake me up from the "dream is truth to be foreseen". oh lord.
im sorry that after at least 12 different english teachers, that pr practitioner still does not know s*it about basic english writing.
magsulat nalang kamo siya sa tumbok at bandera :P in ta-gey-log please. and that it's true, "only the rich and famous can execute the dream wedding that most of us cannot have". haaaaay =/
Yaaak. Elope nalang kasi.
Kurt, I think it's a case of "di nakinig sa teacher" haha. And who says a small and simple wedding can't be meaningful, diba?
Cat, I have come to realize na the whole wedding industry has begun to be geared towards non-essentials. It's dream-fulfillment na lang talaga. Sigh. Wish I could cash in on those gullible couples, haha
Wow. This person brutally hacked his/her way through the English language. Ang dugo.
But the "poem" gave me real hope. Much as I cringe at my own writing, it comforts me to know that I don't have it so bad, after all.
Er... holy cow! Good luck nga sa mga aspiring copy editors, bwahaha :p
On the bright side, at least you know what the product is. I've read some press releases where I still couldn't figure out the products at the end of the entire page.
i like weddings as un-traditional as it can be. not like adrianne curry (antm season 1) blaaah but something that
1. the bride will not wear white. white is not my color. white makes me look like a ghost. i love gowns in champagne or shell pink and dripping with crystals and would blind my guests.
2. is close to nature. i find it better getting married outdoors than enclosed in a church no matter how artful it may be except if it's st. patrick's church in nyc, the place is dripping with gothic art. it's like you're one with nature. after all, god created nature.
3. less flowers. im not a fan of flowers. they just wilt and look sad at the end of the day. now pag candy flowers i like that more!
by the way who designed your blog? my friend and i are writing an online makeup journal and we're looking for a good blogskin.
wedding three-somes FOR THE WIN! :)
"Several decibels off the scene"...
*ROTFLMAOSTALIN*
The word "knolls" made me think of two places: either T*gaytay H*ghlands, or the Shire. Apologies to both; I'm sure the former can afford better PR than this, and while I've long suspected the latter of being a haven for hobbit threesomes, I'm sure that press releases written in any Middle Earth language will be easier to understand than this doozy.
This reminds me of the mini-contests you used to hold in Hum I class. I'll forever regret the day I didn't raise my hand and answer "Sylvia Plath" on the spot (and subsequently forget to join the contest via note-under-faculty-room-door). Suffice to say I have now embraced my geekness and won't be afraid of flaunting it in the future. ^_^;;
The writing reminds me of a certain Arnel You-Know-Who..=)
Hi Ms. F!
I'm sure you don't remember me anymore. CW140,2nd sem AY 2004-2005.
Uhm...
I wouldn't want them to plan my wedding
(hopefully i would have one)
I'll get JLo!!!
bwahahahaha
what the....???
hahahaha kanino galing 'to???
Sheng, "brutally hacked" through the language...haha! Also through the thesaurus, I suspect ;p so what are you doing now na grad ka? :D
Bianca, oo nga ano? At least it's clear that it's a wedding venue. I've given Ria a list of copy editors to replace me, and I wondered if I should gift my poor successor with Advil ;p
Hi Java/Pink! I like the pink blog :) And I like your ideas for your wedding; when are you and number cruncher planning it? Parecommend ng not-big-name-but-OK suppliers :) BTW I got my blog skin from www.finalsense.com; very cute templates for blogger, and I think they have a fashion/Nicole Kidman that might work. Can I link your new blog? :)
Kate! Did you change your cell number? Been trying to contact you. Mail me if ever at matabangpusaATyahoo.com :)
Jamie: Ano yung part na "AOSTALIN"? ass off...then? bokya kasi ako dyan e ;p Geek ka ba? Honestly never thought of that in class; I had the impression you were a cool, collected and calm kewlgrrl, hehe. Oh and your guess is correct for the general vicinity. I feel a place as nice as Tagaytay deserves better writing, diba? ;p The word "knoll" suggests tho na may mababaril. Which tells you na matanda na ako!
Harold, are you kidding? I've never gotten over your termite essay! Of course I remember you! Can I link you? :)
Allen! Kung si JLo ang planner mo gusto ko ako (overweight) flowergirl, haha! :D if ever are you averse to setups? Just checking kasi baka bigla mo ako patayin if I try to matchmake you ;p
Tatin, I have no idea-ask Kitten, because I'm sure s/he/it will send more of this junk. I am tempted to ask you to do the copyediting instead pero friend kita e ;p HAHA! Seriously, though...
I don't mind setups
hehehe
just give him my YM:extrointrovert0009
we'll start from there
hehehe
si, link my LJ.
and i love the pink blog too.
and our makeup blog is:
baklitaan.blogspot.com
i'll leave changing the skins to liee (aka pezfrio) she's better at those than i am. :P
I was supposed to go to the States for a while, but I'll now end up going to the Dumaguete workshops, haha. It's going to be a bloody May.
Ang saya!!! At my first job, I edited articles sent in by Chinese writers. Parang ganito pero mas mahilig sa thesaurus. :)
Full disclosure: I also write PRs! I try not to fall into that trap of filling it with flowery words, though, kahit na five sentences worth of material lang yung pinadala ng client.
- y_slaybelle
Hehe acshuly, that PR thing reminds me of the essays I used to help check for you-know-who while she was teaching. Trust me, English like that needs a couple of beers in order to be understood! ;)
my drafts aren't as bad as this, right? please tell me my drafts aren't as bad as this?? :D
"...dream is truth to be foreseen." - Anu raaaw?
"The grander the wedding is; the more fortune we exhaust."- Ano nigagawa nyang semicolon dyan?
"...several decibels off the scene."- Sounds like the tailend of my marriage, however, the wedding itself was actually quite serene. Quite lang ha.
Binalikan lang. I'm stuck with business corresponce kasi.
Oh, please continue! Please continue! I especially like the wedding threesomes - imagine all three of you scaling up the knolls and getting married on the hall! Wow pare...caressing the high wind, as in...
Bwahahaha...may blog kaya sha? I have to admit that writings with bad grammar hold some morbid fascination for me.
It's the entertainment value plus the fun of trying to figure out how the hell it came to life! It's like figuring out the mind of a serial (language) killer.
More, more!
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