Kitty Litter
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Future Urban Legends
I pick up so many stories on a daily basis that it would be a shame not to retell them here. Maybe these will gain the status of urban legends...then come back to nip me on the butt as chain mail. Ha ha.
Kwentong Kutsero I: Fights I Have Seen
Some stories just have to be told. That being said, allow me to state now that I personally witnessed these scenes. Enjoy, and if you know the protagonists, do let me know.
1. Two Stupid Dogs and the Last Word (Greenhills parking lot, Christmas rush, around 2000)
Boy driving noisy car # 1 (you know the type: yung may umuutot na muffler) cuts off boy driving noisy car # 2. They both get out and proceed to hurl invectives at one another. (Transcript follows. If you can’t understand it, try reading it out loud. ‘Nuff said.)
Noisy 1: Puck yu!
Noisy 2: (after some thought) Yah? Wel pak yu tu!
Both boys raise their fists in what they think is a threatening manner. Some posturing, then…
Noisy 1: Puck yu lalo!
Noisy 2: Pak yu talaga! Pak yu pak yu!
Noisy 1: Puck you puck you puck you!
Noisy 2: O yah? Wel pak yu pak yu pak yu en pak yu!
By this time, the bystanders are doubled over in laughter, and people are echoing their words, stressing their inability to say "Fuck" properly. Somehow the fight is resolved, and both climb into their cars.
But Noisy 1 isn’t leaving without the last word, and as Noisy 2 drives off, he yells, "Wel puck yu to infinity!"
2. Honk Dog (Seen in front of Decades bar on Roces Avenue a few days ago)
Didn’t witness the first half of this one, but I caught the middle part. Apparently two guys (not the same as the ones above; they are in plentiful supply, it seems) got into a traffic altercation and decided to have it out.
Guy 1: Are you honking me?
Kwentong Kutsero II: Elaborate Revenges
Everyone’s heard about the person who, upon being robbed of a parking slot by some other jerk, was told to "suck it up." Whereupon the victim slams several times into the offender’s car with a tire iron/the car s/he is driving, and walks away with a casual "Suck it up too, asshole," tossed over the shoulder. (A variation that amuses me is, "Here’s my lawyer’s number. S/he’ll help you suck it up.")
These are the ones which I-or my friends-have personally witnessed.
Why You Should Never Hog Two Parking Spaces
This happened in the SM City parking lot. A Tamaraw hogged two parking spaces and, incredibly, managed to encroach on its neighbor’s space in such a way that the driver of the neighboring car would have to get in through the passenger side. When my friends came back, the Tamaraw was listing to the right. Three tires had been flattened; two appeared to have had the air let out of them while the tire on the side of the inconvenienced neighbor (who had disappeared by then) had been slashed with a knife.
Labels: funny fights, road rage
posted by Kitty Litter at 11:42 PM
1 Comments:
Hi Charlene!
Hey, we have lots of stories too! Exchange tayo. Do get in touch; found your email and will kulit you there. Funny blog! Ikaw talaga!
Ellie
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