Kitty Litter
Friday, October 01, 2004
So I'm Fat. So What? (WARNING: LONG POST!)
(This one's coming out in a book, but I would love to hear reactions to it from fellow oppressed fatties. Or oppressed thinnies-who-think-they're-fatties.)
You Know I Know I’m Fat (So Stop Telling Me That!)
You know what bugs me during social occasions, or random run-ins at the mall, grocery, and other places? When some distant relative, former colleague/classmate, or acquaintance comes up to me and says, “Ang taba-taba mo!” (You’re so fat!) in the same tone of voice s/he would use to exclaim over news of a deadly disease (yours), or a juicy social scandal (involving you), or faux pas (guess whose?). Others decide to give you an insult and a “witticism” in one go, something like, “So, has the pavement cracked under you lately?” Aforesaid wit then cracks up with laughter, while you feign a smile and think happy thoughts to keep from being locked up for Murder One.
You’re not supposed to get mad; if you do, you’re a poor sport, because the joke was about something that was true—after all, you are undeniably big. Apparently, for these kinds of people, the comment is intended as a social greeting, a substitute for “Hello, how are you?” The victim of such remarks is supposed to smile and pretend to be ashamed of his or her size, even when undertones of derision and malice accompany the aforesaid comment on his or her weight.
I’ve had it with both approaches, and I have a question. Why is it “socially acceptable” to insult an overweight person in this manner, while it is bad manners to tell someone, “You’re crippled?” Following the logic of the joker in the situation above, if that joker has a noticeably huge wart, then shouldn’t it be funny to tell that person in return, “You have a wart!” because it is true? I’ve been told that it’s not the same; physical defects and handicaps aren’t funny. Furthermore, retaliation is “mere revenge,” not “true wit.” If you can pry apart the logic in all that, do drop me a line; I know I can’t fathom it.
Why is fat funny, and why is it OK to make fun of fat people while expecting them to be good sports about it? The same people who laugh heartily at fat jokes, however, often refuse to make fun of the handicapped or the ugly to their faces, invoking “decency” and “good manners” as their excuse. Last time I checked, everyone, regardless of race, creed, gender, or avoirdupois, was entitled to a fair amount of decency and good manners from their fellows.
I believe in keeping my country beautiful, so I don’t spit, fart, or urinate in public. I don’t litter, and neither do I run around naked. Yet the way the self-appointed “fat police” talk, you’d think I’d befouled the atmosphere in some singularly unpleasant way.
I’m offended when someone tells me that I am fat in a way that makes fun of me, or in a snotty manner, or in a way calculated to put me down in front of an audience. (By this please note that I exclude those who tell you you're fat but are just tactless and/or clueless. See below for details)Ever notice how people who tell you that you’re fat will do so in a loud voice at a public place? Seems they want people to know that they know I’m fat. Little do they know, I know I’m fat too.
I also know that I am an intelligent and fairly objective person; therefore, my opinions are likely to be well-thought out. So when I say that being fat is also a handicap, be assured that I have a good reason for saying so. I’ve done the research, and I’ve gone to the experts.
People who tell you that you’re fat by way of a social greeting labor under several misconceptions, and one of these misconceptions is that being fat is a deliberate choice rather than the result of a medical condition or some cosmic accident. While chocolate addictions, junk food habits, and overeating certainly do not fall under either category, I’m pretty sure that most people have a reason (albeit maybe not a good one) for being fat—and this certainly isn’t to offend other people with their fatness. (If your sole reason for being fat is to make life miserable for others, trust me, you need help.) So for the enlightenment of those who don’t know why the “taba” comment is offensive (and can’t understand why), here are my explanations. Caution: Harsh language ahead. Bring smelling salts if you like telling people that they’re fat.
a. I am oblivious to the spare tire/s bunched up under my 24-inch waist and am enjoying being fat way too much
Like being fat is easy? Does anybody here think that I gained weight just for the joy of offending everyone who thinks fat people are a travesty? That I looked at my 130 pound self a few years ago and decided that it simply wouldn’t do and I just had to gain an extra 1, 2, 300 pounds? When a person I barely know (or haven’t seen in over a decade, and am not close to) suddenly blurts that “Taba!” phrase, s/he wants me to reply, “Thank you ever so kindly for your help. I never noticed how my resemblance to a killer whale is becoming patently obvious. I am forever in your debt.”
What do these people expect me to do? Smile sheepishly, say, “Oh, you caught me!” then wriggle out of the 44-42-48 fat suit that’s concealing my 36-24-36 body?
Is there anyone out there who seriously believes it is always fun to be fat? Then let me tell you about one of my (many) problems with being fat. When the only places to find ready-to-wear clothes in my size are the Surplus Shop (where the choices are between “tacky but fits” and “looks good fits lousy”) and expensive maternity salons, I know I have a serious problem.
Some friends advise me to try men’s sizes, insisting that unisex can now be feminine (a contradiction in terms if there ever was one). But men’s clothes are built differently for a very important reason: men buy them. Hence, polo buttons strain at the breasts or result in strange necklines. Crotches in men’s slacks that pinch and nip in exactly the wrong places. You get Bozo The Clown denim jeans hems you’ll never be able to pass off for hip-hopping style.
I have a theory about dressing rooms: they were invented by the fashion mafia to shame unsuspecting fatties like me into losing weight. Why else do they reflect an extra 10, 20, 100 pounds? Plus, who is that lumpy person in the mirror? Oh drat, it’s me. I’ve got gravity to thank for that.
When gravity interferes with the body, the effect is called “sagging,” and for some reason, sagging appears to occur best in the breast, stomach, upper arm, and butt regions. These are, by the way, the least flattering places for sagging to occur, and when one is unable to conceal said effects of gravity in aforesaid places, disaster results.
Everyone subscribes to the belief that beauty is only skin deep. Inner beauty and all that yadda-yadda. If that is so, then fat is merely the camouflage under which I conceal my goddess-like interior (and in that case, be afraid. Be very afraid; there’s room in my skin for a pantheon of goddesses).
An interesting comment I get often is this: "Sayang, ang ganda ng mukha mo, pero ang taba mo. (You're pretty but you're fat)" I have no idea what to make of it, so I take it as a compliment. But why should my fatness be the focus of attention instead of my allegedly pretty face?
If the Orca-sized human trash on the Jenny Jones and Jerry Springer shows are convinced that they are beautiful, and that the problem lies in the eye of the beholder, then certainly walrus-sized me can be considered better-looking. Plus, I know I’ve got a better attitude; I don’t feel the need to bare my jumbo-sized booty on national television to find self-fulfillment.
But it is depressing to live in a society where liposuction is a status symbol, and “Salamat, Dok!” is a popular catchphrase. There are no large women who can be looked up to as icons of style, fashion, or whatever in Philippine society, and women like Nanette Inventor are considered objects for ridicule, regardless of their obvious talent. Here, “fat” is right up there with “easy,” “palengkera,” and “nagger” on the list of undesirable traits in a woman.
I think this is because fatness is seen as a sign of weakness, particularly the inability to control one’s appetite for the sake of “looking good.” Animals see weakness as a sign to attack; human animals aren’t much better, except the weapon of choice is the phrase, “Ang taba-taba mo!”
Wish I were in America. There, you can sue McDonald’s for making you fat. (But let's be real here. Like they had a gun to those kids' heads when they ate those burgers and fries?) Pretty but plump women have a viable career as plus-size models. There are plenty of big women (and women considered big but who are simply normal-sized) getting media attention and respect over there: Queen Latifah, Drew Barrymore, Camryn Manaheim, Rosie O’Donnell, Star Jones, Kirstie Alley, and Liv Tyler (Note that I skipped Roseanne Barr. She's scary). I don’t think of them as having “lost” the battle of the bulge; rather, they have decided that the love of one’s body is an important part of the love of the self. I’m sure they still have issues to work through, but what is important is that they’ve decided that their humanity does not rest in how low they can drop the needle on the weighing scale.
b. It is so easy to lose weight!
The immediate corollary to this is, “Any idiot can do it!” Thus, following the same logic, are skinny people idiots? I think not; I happen to know a lot of skinny people. Those who are my friends are blessed with several important things: brains, the ability to overlook my size, and the wisdom to shut up when it comes to giving me advice on losing weight. It is, after all, my body, and they never assume that I’m not trying hard enough. They’ve seen me try. Hard.
I’ve wrestled with trainers and machines in gyms, then gotten shoved into Turkish saunas to sweat out the fats and toxins in my body. I’ve been mauled with “cellulite-dissolving massages” from women who must have been hired from some S&M parlor. I’ve been hooked up to machines that send out mild electric shocks in hopes of banishing my appetite or dissolving fat, and drunk herbal teas that make me set up camp in the bathroom. I’ve gone on diets where packaging of the “food” items tastes better. I’ve been to psychologists; attended seminars; surfed the Net for information; and in desperation, I’ve bought books on weight-loss and followed them. It was only later that I discovered that I have a hormonal imbalance that defeats most of my efforts to lose weight. But good luck explaining that to those kinds of people; they think you’re making excuses.
I know more about weight loss and healthy lifestyles than these Taba-mouthing louts ever will. One ill-intentioned idiot once told me to skip one meal a day, preferably breakfast, to save calories. Another one told me that it was unladylike to exercise; I’d get all these "icky bulges" on my body; it was some time before I figured out she meant “muscles.” I wanted to explain to the former that skipping meals is part of what made me fat in the first place, and to the latter that noticeable muscles are generally taken to be a sign of good health, but decided to save my breath. Pearls before swine, you know.
There’s a good reason why people are told to consult their doctors before beginning a diet, an exercise routine, or some other hazardous activity: because losing weight is a serious undertaking, not for the proverbial faint of heart. The last time I reported to my doctor about my gym activities, she gave me a long lecture on what I had done wrong. I got my period all of a sudden after beginning exercise; several expensive tests later, we discovered that I had polycystitis and needed to ease off on the exercise until I could take the medication which would keep me from bleeding. Unfortunately the medication made me fat and homicidal. Can you can see the merry-go-round this situation ends with?
Motivation is for weight loss is fairly easy; all I have to do is go to a dressing room and try anything on. Or I can try sitting down in your standard movie theater seat. Failing that, I can also strip in front of a mirror and look at my backside (I happen to like the front view, though). Thinking my problem was motivation, my mom offered me a premium of five hundred bucks per pound lost. I made about ten thousand in one month, but I blew it all on whirlwind trips to a doctor (for the dizzy spells), a chiropractor (for those nagging back pains), and a masseuse (for everything else that hurt). My doctor told me to take it easy and to lose, at most, only three to five pounds a month.
Another thing to think about is that it is more expensive to lose weight than it is to gain or maintain it. Take breakfast, a meal which no serious weight-loss aspirant can afford to skip. Low-fat/carbohydrate and sugar-free meal replacements cost the equivalent of a good blouse at Greenhills; is it any wonder that the cheap meals at KFC are hard to resist in these times?
Gyms cost about one-fifth of my monthly salary per month, and don’t get me started on personal trainer’s, nutritionist’s and doctor’s fees. Phooey on fat-reduction pills and treatments; does the word “quack” mean anything to you?
No, the best way to lose weight is to exercise regularly and eat healthy under the supervision of a medical professional. The exercise is free; vigorous housework and walking will do the job fine. But the “eating healthy” and “competent medical supervision” part is no joke to someone on a shoestring budget. Just walk through any Healthy Options store and look at the prices. I bet you’ll find yourself wondering if you can just laugh yourself skinny. (Been there, done that, doesn’t work.)
c. Their comment is made in the spirit of “knowing what’s best” (for whom?)
Doctors are eminently qualified to tell me what’s best for me when it comes to my fat. I have yet to hear one say “Ang taba-taba mo!” in the same spirit as the know-it-alls who think I need help when it comes to my weight. When a friend of mine, Tatel, who is a doctor, found out that I had a high blood sugar level, he advised me to have a full checkup, ultrasound included. He told me to tell my doctor to test for polycystitis, underactive thryroid, and depression, and concluded with, “We doctors cost money. I’m just giving you the shortcuts, to save time and money.”
This guy obviously knew what I needed, and had the best in mind for me. Yet he certainly didn’t feel the need to make a joke at my expense. Words are never louder than actions; people who have to insult you in the name of “what’s best” for you really do not care about you.
We know the truth: the featherbrains who think this way and talk down to you usually want you to understand one thing: you are inferior to them, and they want you to know that. Telling someone they’re fat under the guise of knowing what’s best is, at best, the verbal equivalent of crocodile tears. They are mean-spirited because they are signs of gloating. Hypocrisy by any other name is just as offensive.
If someone wants you to lose weight, s/he can’t do better than my mom. She paid for my medical, food, and gym expenses, and praised me when I lost weight. Now that is good for my body and my soul. I will never subscribe to the belief that an insult can be something good in disguise. I know me better, and I’m telling those know-it-alls now that insults and mocking laughter cannot be seen in any way by an intelligent person as a form of help. If someone feels the need to laugh at me, insult me for my being fat and judge me based on a single aspect of who I am, guess what: I also have the same right. My conclusion is, that kind of a person is soulless and shallow. I can afford to be magnanimous, though, and if you’re ever confronted by this kind of buttwipe, remember that s/he only uses the “Taba!” phrase to put you down as a stopgap for their rampaging insecurities. Take pity on their inability to see that people are worth more than the sum of their parts. Fat is only a single part of what a person is. There’s still the heart, the soul, and the sense of humor…and even then, these only touch the tip of the iceberg of what a person truly is.
Labels: overweight, rants
posted by Kitty Litter at 9:09 PM
4 Comments:
(a reaction from a thinnie-who-has-a-girlfriend-who-thinks-she's-a-fatty-but-isn't-only-healthy-i'm-a-hootie-patootie. what? nag-rhyme kasi...)
one, inulit mo yung ascending-value-method ("1,2,300 pounds" and "10,20,100 pounds"). nawala na yung effect sa pangalawa.
two, your tone is only mildly angry. dapat yata homicidal angry, e - if that's your intention. add lines like, "i'll brake you in half and feed you to the dogs."
and three, whoever said that being "easy" is an undesirable trait in a woman? ("Unbelievably Horny Comment for 200 please, Alex.")
are you writing another book? or is this coming out in another collection? kay ma'am jing?
Ma'am F!! You are sooo right!!! thank you so much. Reading this post has made my day. I get those comments a lot too, especially from my old highschool/gradeschool classmates who tell me, "Bakit ka tumaba??! Hindi ka naman ganyan kataba nung h.s./g.s.!!" What hurts me sometimes is that my own parents are pressuring me to lose weight, through a joking way, of course ("Kelan ka ba papayat? I want to have grandchildren, you know!!"). Not only that, but also my coach just recently humiliated me in front of the rest of the team...instead of giving me the requisite 'training homework' (ex. practice your turning side, or your roundhouse, fifty push-ups, etc.), he said to me: "You!" *looks me up and down* Magpapayat ka na nga! Last year ko pa ikaw sinasabihan e!!" As if I stay fat on purpose. :( anyway, thank you ma'am, your post really comforted me. :)
kailan po lalabas yung book??!
Hey guys!
Di ko nakita yung mga specific comments agad. Sorry!
Patrick, you should be my editor. Tamad me eh!
Kathleen, since when have YOU been fat? Sister, you are my body standard so let me know who said you were fast at uupuan ko sila. Ha!
Anonymous--is this you, Sophia? Brie? Ang gago naman ng coach mo and yes, "like I do this on purpose?" God! I'm glad you took comfort in it; that's what I try to do, after all :)
ma'am f! i just finished reading your book this morning.. i think i read it for less than a day lng (not a trivial thing to brag pero for me achievement un...).. actually i got so interested about it kasi parang ako ung disorganized woman... hehehe... it seems we tread the same path.. (do i make sense with the words i am using..) well anyway.. i was making a book review on your work as my contribution for our school organ so i thought of reading some of your blog entries too....
ok.. enough of the introduction....
i definitely can relate to your situation... grabe super nakakainis un... nakikita na nga kailangan pa nilang sabihin.... aish! sa loob-loob ko... nako, eh ano ngayon sayo, katawan mo ba to?... saka i wanna tell them that if they don't have anything good to say, just shut up nlng.... nakakainis kasi eh.. as if naman ur not doing anything about it... in my case, super ang dami ko ng pinagdaanang diets... super from being a college freshie and up to now na ggraduate nako eh i have tried evry diet chuvaness... pero super lack of discipline tlga ang problem ko... ang hirap-hirap kayang magpapayat!!!! ung araw2 kang magcacardio exercise.. weight training and all that... ung super hingal na hingal ka na.. tpos they will tell u bkt d ka pumapayat, bakt ang taba mo pa rin???.. naman!!!! parang bkt ba sila affected?? d ko nman kinukuha ung pagkain nila... wla namn akong sinasabi sa knilng masama... so y insult me.. or US on that matter... one time i got so insulted tlga of these two guys ... sabi nung isa, ung kamay mo parang mga hotdog.... tpos ung isa nman who was my ex broke up with me kasi i was fat daw and i look unpretty.. sobrang naiyak tlga ako.. i started calling up my frnds asking if i look THAT fat... alam ko tumataba ako pero cute pa rin naman ako dba.. (hehehhe).. saka wats with the physical appearances ba?.. eh time will come kukulubot din ang mga balat natin at ung dating machong katawan mo, eh magkakaron din ng tABS.... asar tlga... hay nako people tlga can be SO mean... saka buti nga tayong mga HEALTHY people, we can still do what they can do... buti nga tayo di lampa , eh ung mga tingting ung katawan dyan, makalift lng ng ilng pounds ng dumbells, nagiinarte na sa bigat... the hell with those people ridiculing us... pero heto lng for those people na super araw2 tayong pinipintasan, time will come magiging slim din tayo... and they will envy us... harharharhar.... pero for now, ur ryt ma'am f, let's be positive on these things.. take PITY ON THEM... (the end)
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