Kitty Litter

I've been watching a lot of movies lately, and using them as excuses to sniffle. But you know you've reached a low point when you see "Cinderella" and cry at the sight of the fairy godmother.

I'm one of many girls who wished for one, and who probably still wishes for one. But there comes a time in your life when you realize that, for a happy ending, you have to be your own fairy godmother. No one's going to step in and wave a magic wand and make things all right. You have to step up to the plate, swing with all your might, and deal with the aftermath.

M told me something a few days ago that made me think. "Are you going to be plankton, flowing with the tide all the time?" Hard as it is to admit it, she's right. Things have fallen into my lap; I don't go for them. I've learned not to fight back when it comes to people I know, preferring to take out my anger on strangers.

But at some point you have to ask yourself if it's fair to yourself and to those around you to be so pliant, so obedient, and self-sacrificing. Or is it just a case of being spineless?

Whatever happens, I still wish I had a fairy tale to come home to. But I'm not any of those princesses, and I'm not an evil stepmother or stepsister. I identify with the plump stepsister in "Ever After"--you're pretty much just there.

Sometimes you wish you were smarter, prettier, stronger...someone more like those Disney princesses. Or that someone will see you as being his princess.

But when you end up being someone else, and you realize how far away from home you are--wherever that is--is it still worth the fairytale in your mind?