Kitty Litter
Thursday, December 09, 2004
Humiliation Is Just Another Service We Offer
When I signed up to teach, I signed up to...teach.
Little did I know what was in store for me today. We have an annual Faculty Follies show, where faculty members get to humiliate themselves "for the benefit of the college," and by the grace of God, I've never been roped into it.
Until now.
We have this heinous show, some kind of beauty/talent/pageant show as part of the program, and I was initally tapped to be one of the fat, bored judges on the sidelines. My role consisted of waving a wand around and yelling the occasional "Avada Kedavra." Think overweight Professor McGonagall. Now that wasn't so bad, and to show I wasn't a bad sport, I bought a cute cheap wand from Greenhills over the weekend.
Then today I was informed that I'd been bumped up to hostess. As in Jolina Magdangal wannabe. When I explained that I was at least twice the girl's size, I discovered I'd been promoted when the original "actress" simply opted not to show up during the last three rehearsals.
Thinking of doing the same, I tried to stall by showing up late and scheduling consultations. My department chair personally called me and dragged me over to the rehearsal venues. I was forced to leave a sign instructing my students to go to the rehearsal venue.
I was told to find something "sexy" to wear. I wonder if a tablecloth with holes in it for eyes counts. I am mortified, since I required my classes to attend the stupid thing. In the spirit of instantaneous damage control, I texted every student I had, telling them to screw attending the thing. I made up their schedule and seatwork assignments in record time.
But it doesn't change the fact that I am going to be on stage 50% of the time, and I have to act like I'm Jolina. Worse, I have to mouth a script I am completely unable to memorize, and I know I will have to find a way to cheat and put my dialogue on cue cards.
Somebody down there hates me.
And no, I am not posting the date, time, and venue here. I would rather laugh at the thing after the fact than have one of my perverse, gleeful friends show up and laugh his or her fool head off.
To quote Frank of Liberty Meadows: Somebody kill me now.
Little did I know what was in store for me today. We have an annual Faculty Follies show, where faculty members get to humiliate themselves "for the benefit of the college," and by the grace of God, I've never been roped into it.
Until now.
We have this heinous show, some kind of beauty/talent/pageant show as part of the program, and I was initally tapped to be one of the fat, bored judges on the sidelines. My role consisted of waving a wand around and yelling the occasional "Avada Kedavra." Think overweight Professor McGonagall. Now that wasn't so bad, and to show I wasn't a bad sport, I bought a cute cheap wand from Greenhills over the weekend.
Then today I was informed that I'd been bumped up to hostess. As in Jolina Magdangal wannabe. When I explained that I was at least twice the girl's size, I discovered I'd been promoted when the original "actress" simply opted not to show up during the last three rehearsals.
Thinking of doing the same, I tried to stall by showing up late and scheduling consultations. My department chair personally called me and dragged me over to the rehearsal venues. I was forced to leave a sign instructing my students to go to the rehearsal venue.
I was told to find something "sexy" to wear. I wonder if a tablecloth with holes in it for eyes counts. I am mortified, since I required my classes to attend the stupid thing. In the spirit of instantaneous damage control, I texted every student I had, telling them to screw attending the thing. I made up their schedule and seatwork assignments in record time.
But it doesn't change the fact that I am going to be on stage 50% of the time, and I have to act like I'm Jolina. Worse, I have to mouth a script I am completely unable to memorize, and I know I will have to find a way to cheat and put my dialogue on cue cards.
Somebody down there hates me.
And no, I am not posting the date, time, and venue here. I would rather laugh at the thing after the fact than have one of my perverse, gleeful friends show up and laugh his or her fool head off.
To quote Frank of Liberty Meadows: Somebody kill me now.
posted by Kitty Litter at 6:55 PM
8 Comments:
oh god, how much are they charging upon entrance again? =)
if you're the host, i better free up my schedule...
Tell them your boyfriend is a lawyer and he advised you that they cannot compel you to perform unspeakable acts against your will.
Furthermore, any act on their part that forces you to violate the terms and conditions of your teaching contract with the University can give rise to a civil action for injunction with damages (can you you say big fat lawsuit?), a criminal action for grave coercion, an administrative action against the persons in charge who forced you to do unspeakable acts, an action for violating some of your constitutional rights and a special civil action for mandamus and prohibition. =)
Or you can just send your boyfriend over to have a little chat with whoever assigned you that crap (knuckles cracking). Hehehe.
--Wynn the Polar Bearball
yehey! may gagawin na ako sa (bleep-bleep), bawal pa lang sabihin kung kelan at san!
--harold cw140
Kate and Harold, you are BAD people. "Back off! Back off!"* (hissing sound)
* Quoted from my namesake, Charlene of "Firestarter" by Stephen King
Yes, folks, that IS Polar Bearball up there, and NOW do you see how I am not kidding when I say he is a very...unique individual? Heh heh.
God, I need to find a long wig by Tuesday. Now if I can contract some temporary wasting disease (one that reduces me to, oh, 130 pounds) to squirm out of the thing, then fine.
And some @$$ discovered our rehearsals. Now I had to put up with a few students hanging over the balcony and giggling. Argh. I'm just glad it'll be over soon.
aww sayang...
(wait, there *are* rehearsals? ...)
hehehe =) okay, i'll stop being bad now. =)
(wish i had a kick-ass lawyer significant other, though. hehehe.)
ito ang ilan sa mga rason kung bakit kelangan ko nang bumili ng digicam. good luck sa "gig." tanong ko nga kay marvi kung kelan ito.
^^regarding the original actress who was supposed to play host, she didn't just disappear. apparently, when she learned about the "absurd" ending that involved guns and suggested death, she said she's not doing it because of "political reasons." but of course, you must have heard of this already.
Funny. I posted replies on the next post but they disappeared. Argh.
Hey kantogirl, I didn't know that about the original host(ess). Talaga? Sana pala sinabi ko rin na exposing my body in public is against my religion. Hehehe. I'm so out of it; I show up, go home kasi. Nagiging premature lola na ako kasi ang hobby ko ngayon e matulog.
Patrick, buti na lang ala kang videocam no? Hehe. Pero I understand the urge kasi ang sarap kunan si Philip Belarmino na nagja-Jumbo Hotdog. Wow! May kinilig nga sa backstage na taga-ibang department. Hehe
Kate, trust me, find a normal guy ;p My significant other picks fights with street kids (ok lang) and anyone who pisses me off. Remember Amanuensis? My department chair? I had to BEG him not to "make sugod" them. Argh. ;0
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